we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
