She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
