16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
