I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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