...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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