i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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