In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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