His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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