I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
