Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
