I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
