its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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