I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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