OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
