Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
