the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
