benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
