She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
