I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
