yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
