I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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