Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
