Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
