Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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