I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
