You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
