I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
