the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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