had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
