Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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