If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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