I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
