paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
