My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
