I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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