I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
