I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
