Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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