I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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