I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
