I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
