when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
