I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
