Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
