So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
