Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
