Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
