i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A bitchslap is in order.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
