Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She bit a glass in half.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
