Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
