she smelled like a LAN party
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Holy sore nipples Batman
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
