God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
