you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
