I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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