do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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