Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
