now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
