All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
