right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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