He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
