So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
