You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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