Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
