She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
