I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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