i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
