no, he came in my armpit
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
