My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
