Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
