Redeem this text for a blowjob
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
