I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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