So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
