i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
