he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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