Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i've created a new STD.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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