I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
