I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Porn is love you can see.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
